


Twenty Tiny Blades

by binjiwrites



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Self-Harm, Songfic, andrew jackson jihad, bc theyre mine and im not diagnosed, i cant name them, i fucking guess, ill stop typing now, listen im gay and sad dont judge me, there's blood and mental health issues in this, this ends on a good note ok, this is just me projecting tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-05 04:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6688528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/binjiwrites/pseuds/binjiwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a self-indulgent davekat fic<br/>[[inspired by Forest Fire by Andrew Jackson Jihad]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Karkat should be grateful. Three years on a meteor with anyone should be hell. And for the most part it is, but not with him.  
Karkat hates himself for it. He hates how his legs carry him to Dave when he's not paying attention. He hates how much he enjoys talking to the human boy. He hates how much he loves him.  
He's falling so fucking hard, and it hits him like a bag of bricks every time he hears Dave talk or laugh or joke. It was so unexpected, so unprecedented; he has flushed feelings for a human he's sure doesn't have them back.  
It's tearing him apart, and Dave can't even see it.  
Karkat growls at himself in the mirror. His animal-like ears are laid flat against his skull in aggression or anxiety, he can't really tell these days. _Maybe it's both._  
And looking at himself just makes it all worse. His messy hair, the bags under his eyes, his permanent scowl, his sickly small frame. He could see clearly just how pathetic he looked.  
How could _anyone_ love someone like him?  
Something in his chest seems to come undone.  
"God, just fuck off!" He shouts at his reflexion in the mirror and trusts that the room he chose to make into his new "respite block" is far enough away from everyone else's that no one will hear him scream.  
He watches his mouth form the words, opening and closing, hears his teeth click and grind angrily. Anger colors his cheeks in a bright cherry red and drives him to slam his fist into the mirror sloppily.  
The glass shatters with a crack, and he hardly feels as shrapnel rains across his knuckles to clatter on the floor.  
"Why won't you just go away?" This time his voice is quieter, a rasping plea.  
But he knows he can't escape this. He's stuck with himself and the pain inside him is just multiplying, intensifying, and it feels like 20 tiny blades ripping him apart from the inside. The sting slowly spreading through his hands is nothing compared to the knives in his chest.  
He's not sure when it happened, but he's on the floor now. His shitty body is for whatever reason still apparently trying to keep itself safe, seeing as he's avoided sitting in the pile of glass by his feet. Blood is dripping from his hands and forming a puddle between his knees, shiny and red, making its escape at last from his awful being, somehow everything he can't be and is all at once.  
Tears are pricking at the backs of his eyes now, and his throat burns. This is ridiculous. He's being gross and overly emotional, he tells himself. _Even fucking Eridan would be sickened by my godawful bullshit._  
A tiny pink tear splashes into the puddle of growing red in front of his bent legs, diluting a small space of saturated red before being swallowed up in the thickness. _I'm pathetic._  
Choking sobs find their way past his lips and lets his head fall into his hands. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_  
His ears perk up suddenly as they catch a noise from the hallway outside. Footsteps.  
He snaps his head up hard enough that his neck pops and stops breathing. There shouldn't be anyone else in this hallway. He should be all alone.  
Time freezes as a familiar scent drifts under the door, warm and red and inviting and the very last thing he wants right now.  
"Karkat, you in there bro?" Dave's voice feels like a bucket of ice water being dumped over him. "It sure as hell sounded like you fuckin' died or something."  
The doorknob shakes and Karkat curses his past self silently for ever thinking that his luck would hold out long enough for no one to find him like this.  
And then it's wide open and he's just sitting there like a dumb spindly Earth creature caught in the guide lights of an Earth automobile.  
He watches with wide eyes as Dave's carefully crafted coolkid facade cracks for just a moment as he takes in the scene before him. Karkat can only guess what he must think, seeing his best bro sitting on the floor in a pile of broken glass, blood dripping from his fingers and into a growing puddle on the floor and smeared all down his face, looking like he'd just walked back out of hell.  
It feels like forever before Dave finally speaks again, and Karkat feels himself tensing up, ready for the disappointment, the reprimands, the laughter, the anything. But all he gets is a quiet and shaky, "Dude, what the hell?"  
And he suddenly thinks that he'd so, so much rather have all of Dave's anger and frustration than the broken concern he's been offered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is short af but the next chapter is longer
> 
> ask me to tag

Karkat turns his head away, shoulders trembling. "Get out." He can't even muster the usual anger into his voice.  
How the hell could he have let dave see him like this? What could he possibly think now?  
He's sure Dave now thinks he is weak, if he hadn't before, and probably never wants to see him again. He's probably going to laugh and abandon him forever.  
But instead of leaving, Dave quietly shuts the door behind him and goes to sit on the floor beside the tiny troll boy, careful to avoid all the little bits of glass.  
Quietly he reaches out and takes one of Karkat's small hands into his own, long fingers completely dwarfing the troll's tiny ones. For a moment he stares in wonder at how his hand seems to swallow Karkat's up, but is distracted from the thought as Karkat gives a small hiss of pain. Quickly he begins to examine the shards embedded in the pale gray skin.  
"There's a lot of glass in there, Kar. I think we may need some tweezers." His voice is soft and soothing, full of caring that it hurts the other to hear.  
Karkat only nods, sniffling. "Okay."  
Dave stands back up and walks to the door. "I'll be right back," he says, turning around with his hand on the knob. "Don't break any more mirrors while I'm gone, okay?"  
And with that Karkat is left alone again.  
_He probably isn't coming back_ , a tiny voice in his head whispers. _He's probably just going to go gossip to Terezi about how awful you are. You really fucked up this time. You always fuck up._  
He feels a sob well up in his chest and curls in on himself, wrapping his arms around his knees tightly. _No_ , he tells himself. _That's not true. He's coming back. He said so. I trust him._  
But the longer he's left alone, the further he sinks into his awful thoughts. It's hard not to, not when they're constantly there, constantly bombarding you.  
It's a blessing when the door is opened again.  
"I got those tweezers and some cool as fuck first-aid shit," comes Dave's voice, soothing and awful all at once to Karkat's sensitive ears. "Sorry it took so long; Rose was totally fucking wasted and Kanaya had to help me find them and you know how messy this place is..."  
He continues to ramble as he settles himself by Karkat and takes his small hands once more into his own, beginning to pull out the bigger pieces with his fingers as gently as possible. Karkat ignores the sting of the glass ( _You deserve it_ ) and lets himself get lost in the timbre and tone of Dave's words, not so much hearing as feeling his voice as he talks.  
It's relaxing, to lose himself like this, and he doesn't get to do it often.  
And so he's almost disappointed when the final shard is pulled from between his knuckles.  
"You wanna tell me what happened?" The question pulls him back from the comfortable numbness he has settled into.  
In lieu of answering he just looks away, and Dave seems to get the idea.  
"All right, it's fine man. I'll get you all bandaged up medical-like and then how about a movie night?"  
Karkat thinks for a moment, then nods minutely. He doesn't want Dave to leave again now that he's here.  
"Hell yeah." Dave sounds more cheerful than he looks as he leans over to grab the first aid kit and pull out an alcohol swab and gauze.  
He sets back to work determinedly on the tiny troll's hands once more, talking this time about how much he wants some fucking apple juice and how some asshole called Howie something kind of actually ruined apple juice for him but he doesn't care and there are a lot of strange apple physics involved but Karkat can't for the life of him understand what the fuck any of this means.  
So Karkat stops listening, opting instead to watch Dave's face as he works: how his eyebrows dip in concentration and his lips move when he speaks and how his freckles seem to shift and stretch whenever he talks...  
And how now Dave's eyes are right on his. The human boy throws him a smirk and sits back, wiping his hands off on his gaudy red pants. "All done. So how's about we clean up this mess and then commence operation shitty romcom night?"  
Karkat nods once more, feeling a small smile tug uninvited at his lips. "Yeah, sure thing, asshole."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is getting out of hand
> 
> [[remember to leave a kudos or a comment of you enjoy, and drop a msg if i need to fix anything or tag smth]]


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im too gay for this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ask me to tag

After scraping most of the glass into the trashcan and attempting to mop up the drying blood on the floor, Karkat and Dave settle down on Karkat's bed to start a movie.  
Dave is the one who picks it out, keeping Karkat's interests in mind as he does so. The poor little troll is still too upset to be of much assistance, seeing as any attempt to garner his approval is met with averted eyes and sometimes a sniffle, so Dave finally settles on some shitty Troll Nick Cage movie he knows from experience that Karkat loves.  
Once Karkat has made himself a cocoon of pillows and blankets, Dave sits the grubtop between them, and pretends to watch the shitty rom-com it's playing while also pretending to not notice how karkat keeps throwing him glances. Every so often his big orange eyes stray to Dave's face and linger, and Dave gives no acknowledgment of his stares. Whatever made the lil man happy, yeah?  
After a while though, it gets a bit tiring. Dave finally glances over and meets Karkat's eyes, holding back a laugh as the little troll hurriedly turns his face away.  
"If you keep staring at me you're gonna burn a hole through my head, Karks."  
Karkat looks back over and huffs, rolling his eyes.  
"Maybe if you wiped all that damn cute off your face," he says before he can stop himself, then slaps a hand over his mouth and blushes. "I- I mean- Fuck!"  
This time Dave does laugh, because god that's so fucking adorable. "Dude, holy shit, are you actually flirting with me? Are you finally acknowledging how much you want my tender boy meat?"  
Karkat's blush deepens and he groans, the movie seemingly forgotten. "You wish, nooksniffer."  
_This is better_ , he thinks. This casual banter and not-so-faux flirting (on his half at least) is normal and comforting and easy to fall into, and before he knows it the movie is over and they've talked through the whole thing.  
He's a bit worried that Dave is going to leave when the movie is done, and just the thought makes it feel a bit like there's a weight in his chest, but Dave stays well after the end credits roll.  
They stay on the bed and talk until conversation begins to run dry and finally lapses into silence. After a while Dave pushes a blanket off of himself and stands to stretch.  
"Hate to cut our little playdate short, but I better get goin'. See ya, Kar."  
He turns toward the door and suddenly Kar is panicking again. The thought of being alone once more is crushing, and he wants nothing more than to have Dave with him for even just a little bit longer, if only to stave off his crushing intrusive thoughts and the loneliness that threatens to steal his breath away once the other is gone.  
"Wait!" He shouts as he launches himself from his cocoon of pillows, scattering them around his feet as he grabs Dave's cape and tugs him back around.  
"Woah, you okay dude?" That awful concern is back in Dave's voice, and suddenly there are blades pricking at Karkat's heart again.  
"Stay with me. Please. I don't want to be alone again." He knows how desperate he must sound and he honestly can't bring himself to care.  
Dave looks faintly surprised, but nods anyway.  
"Sure thing, Krabcakes."  
Karkat feels tears of relief push at the backs of his eyes, but he's not going to cry in front of Dave again. Instead of saying anything he just nods and grabs Dave's hand, ignoring the jolt it sends up his arm as he leads the way back to his bed.  
Once Karkat has gathered his pillows and blanket back around himself he settles on the mattress with Dave, this time sitting considerably closer. _This is fine_ , he tells himself. _Just being close to each other like this. Just friends, being close._  
_It's definitely not like I want Dave to kiss me, or for him to cuddle me, or to fall asleep in his arms_ , he attempts to convince himself, but the pit in his stomach says otherwise. He's fallen far too far for this kind of half-assed self arguing now.  
He's jolted violently from his thoughts as Dave crawls on top of him, fighting to join him within the warm confines of the blanket burrito. A cherry red blush creeps its way up Karkat's neck.  
"Strider, what the ever-loving fuck are you doing?"  
"Joining the mayor of Pillowville in his sweet ass Mayoral Burrito, what else?"  
Karkat makes a show of rolling his eyes, but his hands shake just a little as he makes room for the other boy within his soft prison and he grips the blankets tightly to try to disguise it.  
Before long Dave is pressed up against his side and Karkat's head is laying against the taller boy's shoulder, cheeks blazing.  
"Bro you're like a fuckin' inferno. Is that, like, a troll thing? Are you supposed to be this hot?"  
A slight blush appears on both of their faces as they realize what Dave said. Karkat chooses to ignore it and just shakes his head.  
"Oh my fuck, no, it's just a shitty side effect of my weird ass mutant blood."  
Dave nods.  
"Maybe I should sleep with you every night, eh? Warm up my icy cold soul. And fingers, actually," he adds as an afterthought, and then grins.  
"Dave what the festering fuck is that grin fORHOLYSHIT!"  
Dave has his icy cold fingers pressed against Karkat's face, causing the tiny troll to squirm and let out a yell.  
"I thought humans were supposed to be warm!" he shouts, struggling to pull his face away against the strain of the blanket at his back. "What the hell is wrong with you?"  
Dave only laughs again, keeping his hands on Karkat's cheeks. Tiny gauze wrapped hands come up to grab his wrist, wicked little claws pressing into the soft skin of his inner arm.  
"Ow- hey! Your shitty devil claws hurt! I call foul!"  
He feels karkat's grip loosen, but he doesn't let go, and when Dave looks back at his face those big orange eyes are staring right at him. Up this close the dark bags under them are frighteningly visible, but all coherent thought seems to have been knocked from his brain and all Dave can think is that they're fucking adorable, and the light freckling on Karkat's cheeks is the absolute most endearing thing he's ever had the pleasure to see.  
He finds himself leaning closer, and can't bring himself to care because Karkat is leaning in too and he's never wanted anything more than to feel those soft looking black lips pressed against his own.  
They meet each other halfway, heads tilting slightly, lips pressing together gently.  
And Karkat cannot fucking believe that this is happening, and it's more than he could have ever hoped for because Dave's lips are so much softer than he imagined and the body pressed against his is far too comforting and lovely and amazing and he wants to feel every inch of it.  
When they finally pull apart, gasping for breath, Karkat's hands have managed to worm their way under Dave's shirt and there are pale hands tangled in his messy hair all Karkat can think is that past him must have been a secret fucking genius to have achieved this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told ya this would get gay  
> leave suggestions for how to make this better yeah?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun tip read this in morgan freeman's voice

It only seems to hit Karkat what exactly just happened moments later, and he feels his eyes widen. His ears droop a little, but now he knows it's because he's nervous. He really, really hopes that Dave wanted that too but the asshole still hasn't said anything yet and wait, fuck, he's smiling oh no.   
"If i knew that was how you felt Kar i woulda suggested shitty romcom night a lot sooner."  
Karkat almost giggles in relief and is immediately glad he doesn't because he's sure Dave would never let him live it down.   
"Maybe I should have broken that mirror a while ago," he says instead.  
Dave laughs, and for once it seems sincere. "Hell yeah, I coulda got my sexy nurse on a lot sooner."  
"What the fuck is a nurse?"  
"Oh my God nevermind, it's not important."  
Karkat stares at him questioningly for a moment. "Okay, whatever."  
Dave's smile widens and he leans in again, pressing Karkat back against the sheets until the tiny troll is laying flat on the bed with Dave straddling his hips.   
"Karks, did you know that you're fuckin' adorable?"  
And whatever angry answer Karkat was going to give is drowned out as Dave kisses him again. He practically melts as the taller boy's lips brush against his, and he is acutely aware of Dave's hands pressed into the bed on either side of his head and Dave's body pressed against his and Dave's tongue brushing against his lips and- _oh_.  
Karkat opens his mouth obligingly and gasps as he feels Dave's tongue slip in and brush against his. Quickly he responds, shoving his own tongue into Dave's mouth, running it over his teeth and exploring.   
By the time they pull apart again, they're both sweaty gasping messes but Dave is still smiling like this has been the best day of his life and damn if it isn't infectious.   
And shit is it fucking hard to catch your breath when you can't stop giggling like a goddamn idiot.   
Eventually Dave is forced to wiggle his way from the smothering warmth of the blanket cocoon and sit up on the bed, trying to catch his breath as his laughter dies down. He still feels giddy as fuck and can't help the occasional manly as fuck giggle because wow his long time crush just kissed him like he felt the same exact way.   
Karkat sits up beside him and runs a hand through his messy black hair, careful as always to avoid his nubby little horns. He can't seem to get this dumb grin off of his face either.   
They just sit like that for a long time, until their breathing returns to normal and a relative silence falls, but it's not uncomfortable.   
Dave breaks the silence, glancing at Karkat and pushing his long blond hair out of his face. It's kind of hard to find the time and will to cut it on this damn asteroid and it's grown out a lot in the past two years.   
Karkat almost misses what he's saying as he watches how the strands fall back into place and observes the way the low light makes it shine just right and fuck what _is_ he saying.  Better tune in now, asshole.  
"-so basically what I'm asking is what does this make us? What's that weird word you have? The one that means 'two kids who kiss and shit' in troll?"  
"Matesprits?" Karkat offers, eyebrows raised.  
"Yeah, that." Dave shakes his head and it takes an amazing feat of will for Karkat to stop looking at his hair and actually listen this time. "So are we matesprits? Or, I mean, can we be?"  
Dave actually looks nervous, like he could expect Karkat to say anything but yes.   
So Karkat just smiles and reaches over to push his big dumb shades back so he can look into his beautiful red eyes. At the moment they're clouded with nervousness, and once again it hurts Karkat a little know that Dave could even think for a moment that he wouldn't want to date him.   
"Of course, asshole. After that you must be dumber than I thought to think I'd say no."  
And he pulls Dave against him and presses another kiss against his lips, and then his nose and the freckles on his cheeks and forehead, and they spend the rest of the night laughing and sharing chaste kisses and neither of them can stop smiling or really believe that this is finally happening, but it doesn't stop Dave from thinking that maybe this game really was worth playing if it meant he got to spend three whole years stuck on a meteor with this dumb alien boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok yeah that was dumb and probably shitty but aye  
> also i have never kissed anyone so if i wrote that weird tell me and i have never actually finished a fic so i demand a ritual sacrifice ie., make me fanart please

**Author's Note:**

> ok hey listen, if you have any issues with this then drop a comment. tell me of i made any characterization mistakes or spelling/grammar errors. i'm happy to fix any mistakes i made!  
> also, if ur into it then leave a kudos or a comment bc i thrive on that shit


End file.
